I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
