If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
