There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
