just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
