So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
