the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just want to make out with him forever
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
