Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
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You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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