well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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