someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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