You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
