Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize