.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
