I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Did I show you my penis last night?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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