In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
