Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
