this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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