Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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