i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
