Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
