He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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