I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
