I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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