there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
