Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
