I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
