I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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