My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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