Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
