my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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