You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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