i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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