Whod you bang
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
