you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
