operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
