So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Watching her eat just hurts me
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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