i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize