i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
