you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
