Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
