the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
