A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
