I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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