Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
