You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
