well I can't set my house on fire every night
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am mentally ready for anal.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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