So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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