Swine flu is the new snow day.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
