what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
