I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
