billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
