Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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