dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
