then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
