We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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