I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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