Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
