Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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