You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
