It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize