He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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