who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
What a dumb baby whore.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
