my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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