After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
