Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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