I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
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I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
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Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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