1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
wow bdsm is so cute
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
