If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
