Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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