Your face is a jimmy john
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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