Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
