ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
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Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
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this hospital has no fireball
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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