i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
