did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You left your phone here
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