Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
