I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
