She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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