I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
