and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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