You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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