so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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