I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So squirting runs in the family.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
