bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
